Your Kidneys Can Buy You A Car
by ZacckFairy
Summary: If you ever feel worthless just remember... Rated T to be safe. Warnings inside; nothing major. Drabble. Crack-fic. Please review!


**Helloooooo** **So I know I should be working on DI which I haven't updated since August but I'm stuck on some stuff so yeah.** **I wrote this drabble in hopes of getting back into writing since school was killing me before.** **This is my first canon-verse fic I hope you guys like it~** **Warnings: uuuhh well. Kanda's language. hmmm... I think this is somewhat of a crack fic too... also uh Allen and debt...** **Disclaimer: I don't own D. Grey-man.**

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Your Kidneys Can Buy You A Car

"Hey Allen," Lenalee said, with a smile and a wave.

Allen smiled at her and waved back, falling into step with her.

"Hello Lenalee," Allen said and looked away from her.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong or will I have to blackmail it out of you?" Lenalee asked with a too-wide smile.

Allen groaned.

'I should have known I couldn't hide it from her…' Allen thought.

Allen shot Lenalee a half hearted glare as her tinkling laugh enveloped him.

"I was too late to save a small child on my last mission," Allen said with a sigh, eyes on the floor.

"You know you can't save everyone Allen, you're only one person," Lenalee chided, "You won't last if you keep blaming yourself every time something goes wrong on a mission."

"I know, Lena, I know! I just… I can't help it alright? I just start thinking about it and…" Allen said, arm waving around in frustration, "And I just feel so… so worthless!"

Allen's arms fell to his sides and his head bowed.

"Allen-"

"Moyashi-chan!"

Allen lurched forward and tried to spread his arms out for balance. Key word being tried. He couldn't move his arms due to the person latched to him in a hug effectively rendering his arms immobile.

"Lavi!" Lenalee shrieked, hands coming up to cover her mouth.

'Ah of course, Lavi. Who else would tackle hug me out of the blue.' Allen thought as he plummeted under Lavi's weight.

"Uuugghh, Lavi get off," Allen groaned.

"Ah sorry Beansprout, you looked so mopey I couldn't help it," Lavi said while he grinned and rolled off Allen.

"Why are you so bloody heavy?" Allen said.

Allen sat up and leaned on an elbow and tentatively touched his face with the other hand.

"Thank god, no broken nose," Allen sighed and flopped back on the floor.

"Lavi!" Lenalee said and whacked Lavi on the head with her clipboard.

"Ow! Lena-lady whyyyy," Lavi whined.

"You know bloody well why!" Allen said as he glared at Lavi, with a matching scowl.

"Awww I'm sorry Moyashi-chaaaan" Lavi said and tackled Allen in a hug, "But that's what you get for calling yourself worthless."

With that Lavi got up and held his hand out to Allen, who grabbed the offered limb and yanked down hard.

"Eeeepp!" Lavi shrieked as he fell.

Allen snickered at the red head.

"Alleeeeeen, what was that foooor," Lavi cried, latching onto Allen once more.

"Payback," Allen said, still snickering.

"Ow!" Allen yelped followed immediately by Lavi.

"You two stop that right now," Lenalee said, and waved her clipboard around for emphasis.

The two got up with minor grumbling and the trio resumed walking to the cafeteria.

"You know Al, if you ever feel worthless just remember, your kidneys can buy you a car," Lavi said so seriously that Allen actually stopped walking to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Lavi, I can't drive," Allen said as he crossed his arms across his chest.

Lenalee giggled at the exchange.

Lavi stared, mouth hung open, eyes rapidly blinking; he burst into laughter.

Allen stared at Lavi in the same unimpressed manner as before.

"What's so funny?" Allen asked, face still impassive, but his tone gave away his irritation.

"Allen, Allen, Allen," Lavi said, laughter ceased, but still adorned a huge grin, "what that meant, is that kidneys sell for a lot of money."

"Oh," Allen said, his hands fell slack to his sides.

Lavi practically saw the gears turning in Allen's head.

'I'd better warn him before he actually sells a kidney," Lavi thought, and his grin widened.

"A human can function with one kidney but it's not pleasant. Especially in our line of work," Lavi said, never losing the grin.

"Huh… I see," Allen said.

"But you know Al, Yuu's kidneys would grow back… so maybe you can make money by selling his kidneys," Lavi said.

Lavi's grin split his face with how wide it was.

Lenalee decided it was better to leave them be. The look Lavi has decorating his face is creepy. It's the look he gets before dragging them all into one of his life threatening schemes.

'Yup I'd better go before they remember I'm here.' Lenalee thought before she tiptoed away.

"You're right Lavi… think of all the debts I will pay off! I can actually start saving money! HA take that Cross!" Allen said with a wide smile marring his face.

'I may have taken this too far…' Lavi lamented, 'Yeah I'd better make myself scarce now.'

Lavi dashed down the hall and straight to his room.

"Kanda, I need to find Kanda," Allen muttered darkly.

Upon entering the cafeteria where he knew Kanda would be at this time, he scanned the cafeteria for the familiar dark ponytail.

"BaKanda!" Allen shouted as he walked towards his money maker.

"Che, what do you want Moyashi?" Kanda growled as he lowered his chopsticks.

"Give me your kidney or I'll rip it out," Allen said smiling pleasantly.

"What the fuck. I have no time for your stupidity Moyashi," Kanda said and turned around and resumed slurping his soba noodles.

Kanda froze when he heard a soft "Innocence activate" from behind him. He jumped and unsheathed his katana Mugen as he turned around.

A loud clang rang out, andfor a moment, the only sound heard in the cafeteria was the sizzling from the kitchen.

"What the actual fuck Moyashi?" Kanda hissed at him, his arms shook with the strain of holding his ground.

"I said, give me you kidney; I need to pay off Master's debt," Allen said, grin twisting his face again.

"What the fuck that makes no fucking sense Moyashi! use your own goddamn kidney!" Kanda said through grit teeth.

'Damn, Moyashi is serious! He's not holding back at all!' Kanda thought.

Allen shoved at Kanda more, but it was still a stalemate.

"My kidney don't grow back like yours… actually I can keep selling your kidneys as they grow back," Allen cackled.

'Bloodlust is rolling off him in waves! What the fuck?' Kanda thought.

Kanda then disengaged and bolted for the cafeteria doors.

"Crown belt! Come now Kanda I promise it'll only hurt a little~" Allen's deranged laughter echoed in the cafeteria.

Kanda dodged the white fabric shot at him and dashed out the door.

'Fuck, that idiot is serious. I'll bet Mugen that the idiot Rabbit is the one to blame for all this,' Kanda glowered to himself.

"Oh Kanda please stand still~" Allen said in a sing song voice.

"No way in fucking hell Moyashi!" Kanda yelled as he kept his eyes trained ahead.

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 **So that's it haha** **Well I hope that was somewhat enjoyable~** **Please review it makes my day when I get reviews! Especially when you tell me specific things you liked or disliked or something you were reminded of!** **Constructive criticism appreciated!** **Later lovelies~** **(I promise I'm still continuing DI)**


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